Christmas, what a season…
… i now wrote 2 posts the last 2 days about things that happend last christmas. Now it´s nearly 2 weeks ago and i am facing the hard reality again that i will need to go to work again and that this christmas was worse than last christmas. There had never been a christmas that nearly costs me my life, for sure, but within all these things that happend again, i just want to talk to you about christmas and it´s meaning. I know actually even my analytics tools for this website telling me that noone reads this blog, but that doesn´t matter at all… there will be the time that anyone will read this, i am sure…
What does Christmas mean to me?
When i was younger, christmas was a really happy time, i was a good child and i nearly got everything i wanted to christmas. Even when i discovered that the Christchild, so we call it in germany, we traditionally have no bearded guy in coca cola coat that delivers the presents, in germany there is a baby like the Jesus baby, that delivers the presents on 24.th of December. Just when i write these sentences and think about it sound a bit strange that baby jesus should deliver the presents, but when you grow up with this its one of those german things you just accept… just like german tales: “Casper eat your soup! – No i don´t want – OK the i cut of your thumbs – now have a good night child and sleep…” yes thats scary and strange, but thats part of my childhood and it didn´t damage me at all… therefore i got women later…
Christmas was a happy time for me and even when i was in my first own flat, i decorated for christmas a lot every year. It was my favourite time of the year. Every window got coloful lights around them, i had glowing lights everywhere in my flat and i even was able to left my normal lamps turned off cause it was that bright from the lights. I was a real christmas freak, a real american in my hearth i would say.
There couldn´t have been enough lights and enough colour in my home when i was younger. Christmas was also the time to go the special christmas markets, buy completely overpriced christmas stuff and have a good time with my friends. It was the time i always thought about how i could make my friends happy, what i can get them as a present or what i can do for them.
The meaning of Christmas Presents for me
Of course everyone gets a gift from me. It´s not that i think that it´s my duty, i don´t see presents for christmas as a personal right or as necessary thing. Presents for christmas, in my eyes, show how good you know someone. They are the Moment that let´s you show that you listens when someone talks to you, that you remember when your best friend says he wanted to buy the new AC/DC album and you know that he had not buyed it yet cause he had no time. Its also the time where you make things possible for people you like.
For example my wife is a hughe fan of those old radio plays, she listend to when she was a child. She loves those kids stories with benjamin the elephant and bibbi blocksberg, two famous german childhood series that also got some cinematic episodes and more. That had been hughe things in germany and we all had some music casettes in our childhood with this radio plays…
Of course, most of you may not know what a music casette is, maybe it´s an old People thing nowadays but those old radio plays are not dead. They took there place in the CD/DVD time as they now take their place in the digital world. Theres a Child sound system called tToniebox with some little figurines with an RF-ID Chip inside, that trigger downloads of those radio plays on the Toniebox. I just googled a bit and yes, also americans should know this thing, you can buy it at wallmart.
You know that i always tell you about our financial issues and that most things are hard to buy, when you think about the price. But my wife is already wanting this system so hard since more than 2 years that i made it possible this year. I bought it in a discount and also bought some of her favourite stories also.
Why do i tell you such things… i just wanted to make sure that i thought about what i could get for her. I also had not enough money for this but i saved a small ammount, every month, so she even didn´t notice it, to be able to buy this present, cause she wanted it so hard but was to stingy buying it for her own. OK it´s expensive you could have the same radio plays much cheaper, but it was her wish, so i made this possible, and she didn´t even know about till the last moment… when she opened her present!
… thats the way i treat presents. It doesn´t matter if it´s expensive, it matters more that it is something you really want or need, something for the person the present gets, something personal, that shows… yes he listend to me and he remembered this! It shows appreciation for someone, and so i treat my firends too… no Presents… not with me, even if we decide this together, i will never stand there without a present! Everybody knows this, especially my wife…
How hard it is to find presents for me!?
One of the most important things, when making a present is that you know what a person wishes for. Of course i know it´s not easy to find a present for me. Most of the things i wish for are very expensive. For example the Steam Deck, i preordered it but i was in the need to sell it before i got my handy on, cause i was not able to afford it. I wouldn´t expect that my wife or any of my friends would spend so much money for me, that would be ridicoulus and wrong. But there are alos many more things that are way cheaper, but they are also not uncomplicated.
I am a collector of videogames. Actually i own the hughest ps4 games collection of all people i know. With more than 600 physical games in my gaming wall there is a lot of time to play, but there are also missing a lot of games. Now my wife, for example, is not that unfammiliar with the games i love, the series that are uncomplete, so she could get into the room when i am at work and just take a look, for example at the Asassins Creed Games in my shelf, than she would recognize that there are 2 or 3 missing, there is also space in between the games, for those missing games. She also knows that i love Sword Art Online and i want to own all those games, i only have 2 Games standing here, or Atelier Games, Tales of Games, Final Fantasy and much more i need to complete my collections. But i also have use of Primogems for Genshin Impact, sorry i love this fucking Gatcha Game and spend more than 600 hours with it last year… so it would also be great to get just a prepaid card for christmas to top up my Primos… nothing complicated…
But i am also aware that not everybody is into gaming like my and even if my wife also uses to play games sometimes i know that she is not one percent that fammiliar with games and i hope she doesnt want to make me angry when she holds the new adventure of Kratos in her hands and asks me if i already played the ne “goroll of wear raganörk”. I just hope for her that such things are not happening on purpose.
So my wife knows that there is an amazon wishlist where she is able to take a look on all those things i could need for my work as gaming editor or for my personal fun. There are things between 5€ and up to 100€ so it would not be a problem to find a good present. So it´s that hard to find a present for a guy like me… klick a link and make a selection…
i make these lists every year cause i know my wife doesn´t think about a present for me, she also has no clue when anyone asks her, whith what anyone could make me happy. I don´t think that i could make it more easy for anyone…
Why i am diappointed every year…
… i think it´s obvious that i am disappointed every year. Again and again it get disappointed with any crap i do not need or want. Is it so hard to click a link and select anything, even if it´s just an 5 Dollar article? this year i needed a new Microphone holder, now i ordered it myself, it´s super high quality and perfect to fit at my desk. It costs me 18 Dollar, something i would have been really happy about. A new Raspberry Pi Case for my mini computer with place for a hard drive… around 20 dollar, a couple of nice dice (i also collect dices, just a thing from my childhood) there would have been so many chances but it seems even to be to hard to click the link for the amazon wishlist, i send my wife on whatsapp.
It´s more important to buy 60 Dollar plushies from any fucking instagram influencer than making her husband a present. This year she only bought 2 of those completely overpriced plushies, what i forbid. She bought them behind my back but for me there was not a single buck left this year. Not even a presentcoupon for some sexy time or such a thing.
She wanted to skip the christmas presents cause of our financial situation at the moment, i never agreed and she was aware that she won´t be there with empty hands for christmas, but for me it was enough that her inability to keep her promises (that we only stay for one or thwo hours for christmas dinner at her sisters home), didn´t cost my life.
Am i diappointed with my christmas presents? What christmas presents? Only my mother in law made a gift coupon for each child and their partners, that i lying in front of me. The christmas gift my Father in law gave my wife was money for both of us… of course i have never seen a single cent of this money, the dogs needed a new ladder… but this is not the first year she technicly betrays me with the presents.
But i am more didappointed that i am even not able to get divorced cause of such inability to show any affection for our marriage. In america you could get out of this with less financial problems whe you can proof that your partner isn´t interested in the marriagr for years and is sabotaging you but blows your money into your direct competitors budgets… here in germany you will pay when you get divorced only cause you earn money. And my wife won´t get an own job and also she won´t get married again and even if she finds a job she won´t earn enough that i would be able to stop paying for her. Germany is a bad country for such things, as man you are fucked no matter what you do, as you are as a father…
… sorry i don´t want to ask you again if you think this is fair but i do so. I feel like my wife gives me only contempt and tries to let me feel how much she hates me, or maybe she is just that dumb and really didn´t realize what she is doing…
