Sometimes i got asked what i think and when this question is in the room, there´s another big problem to solve. How to tell anybody about the things i am thinking about, without anoying anybody or put them to sleep. The huge problem is, that there is not one thing i am thinking about at the moment, maybe it´s every moment in my whole life, it´s a thousand things at the same time. Actually i am writing these senteneces and i am thinking about if my english ios really good enough to start a blog in this language. Otherwise i could rename it and write in german, my mothers tounge, but the i realize i need to do appointments for gamescom, find the right booths for my editors and also i need to complete a couple of reviews, i didn´t even start. Also there is another Blog i truly urgently need to fill with a couple of new articles, but when should i do this? It´s acutally 16:30 in germany and i need to be in cologne, at Gamescom, tomorrow.
Man… there are so much things i need to do till then and also there´s sleep to get. I need to shave my beard, cause i actually look like a homeless nerd. So maybe you already realized that i need a vent to put some of my thoughts and feelings back to anywhere where i am able to get back to them anytime, when i want to but my brain is actually that fast thining of so much things… maybe it´s a mental desease? I don´t know, i am too old for such things.
But there is of course another thing i need to do. It´s about those things people call feelings. They are a problem, a problem i was teached to get rid of. Teached by life, teached by woman and teached by everyone else. So i write down what i think and what i feel. I am actually more than 40 years on this planet and i really tried to live my life but sometimes i just get tired of living, tired of fighting, tired of getting F**** up everytime and with everything i do. Sometimes i feel like i had never had a chance and sometimes i think i am surrounded just by idiots.
But there´s just one thing i ever lived like… if you feel surrounded by idiots and like everybody must be wrong, then you are verry strongly recommendet to proof yourself it´s not your fault. I already had this situations where everybody warned me about a woman, but i was too blind and i fell in love with her. She damaged my whole life. This is now roundabout 20 years ago and i am paying for this failure to till the rest of my life i think.
But i am thinking away again. I just want to tell you what this Blog should be about and what i want to use it for….
This Website is dedicated just to me and my thoughts and feelings. You don´t need to know who i am, you don´t need to understand what i am talking about and you even do not need to read this. I write this for myself and maybe for people that someday may want to remember me, cause i´ve done a lot to make peoples lifes better and maybe after my death there will be anyone that want´s to remeber me. But actually i see this Website a bit as self theraphie and english skill trainer. Ive ever dreames move to the USA cause i like the country and opportunities but this is just another part of this Websites… Dreams… yeah a good point that i want to publish on this Blog. Actually i see this more as a way to write down what is bothering me so much.
The Problem is that i am not that cold person everybody thinks i am. I have feelings, i can be hurt and i am suffering really hard about several conditions in my life, but there´s noone to tell, noone to talk to and noone that would listen, even if i would talk to them. So i write this down for myself, cause i hope writing helps finishing some things.
The Problem is that i am a good man, a really good man!
I don´t complain to much, i don´t talk about whats inside me, i don´t talk much about my problems, i solve them myself and i ever fight against unfair things, behaviour or similar problems. But this makes me so tired. I hope that this Blog will help me a bit getting rid of some bad thoughts and feelings… i just want to stop thinking about.
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