You haven´t heard from me in a while, sorry for that but i had some issues with my arm so i wasn´t able to write this website. Actually it´s also a bit like groundhog day, the movie, you may remember. Everyday i wake up it´s the same, it feels like the day before or any other random day. Also it´s about the same topics everyday with just a little changes in daily life. That makes me really tired and i could sleep everyday for the complete day. I just don´t want to get out of the bed and sometimes i feel like i could get a mental illness, one of the things i am really afraid of. A broken leg can heal over time, headache is bad but will also go away but when your brain doesn´t do what you want and you are no longer able to control your life, than this is not a feeling i want to experience. Also cause everybod i know seems to be one of those people that would say… you need to laugh more and go out, when you are depressed…. wow… that would be so helpful. I know this because everybody i talk to knows what i am making wrong in my live that i am really not able to loose weight. I want to, i tried a lot of times but everytime it seems to come back over night. What makes me really angry, in the meanwhile, are those people that all knows the solution like… eat no salt… eat less sugar… don´t eat any meat… you need to live vegan… just eat half of everything… you just need to do sports… and all those things that completely doesn´t help to tell me.
Actually i am thinking a lot about things like money, one of the worst problems these days. I am employed at a hughe global player in plastics production. The job i do is the job of my teamleader. I do this since roundabout 9 years and i get payed less than a fresh employee that just signed his contract. I teached people that will never understand what to do in this job, the only thing i know is that these people, that are at home half of the year, when i need to do their work, get roundabout 50% more salary than me. Nice to know… really…
Nothing is getting cheaper and due to inflation my co-workers get a one time payment that the employer could pay free of any taxes to help his employes in these hard times. Just imagine what i get… Nothing, not one cent. Hard to believe that a person that keeps a complete department running gets passed over when it comes to payments, help and financial safety and the trainees that are just employed are thinking about leasing brand new mustangs or camaros, in germany. Maybe a camaro is nothing so super special in the USA but here in germany, with the actual prices for gas it´s like a kick in the face when those trainees can afford to lease a V8 and i need pray that i find someone with a lifting platform that i could use for free to repair my old mercedes w169 a-class that i can get to work the next day. Its hard to believe that it´s fair when your co-workers asks you if they should buy a rtx 3090ti or wait for the rtx 4090 to be released, cause they want a new graphics card, for their gaming systems to play Minesweeper oder Dragon Quest, when i am not even think about replacing my old computer system, that i need everyday. They know that i am up to date and well informed so they could ask my everything about computers, consoles, games and such things if there are any questions.
But the problem is not that i couldn´t afford my life or that i may be jealous about these things, i just can´t imagine how i am able to let them screw me this was but i have no chance. In germany you are not that free to choose a job you want if you get into a bad situation. I could just talk to my employee to put me anywhere else, they maybe would be able to find something but it would be clear, that would cost me maybe about 6-7 euro per hour of my salary. That would nothing i could consider. We are not poor but we are also not richt, we can live with the money i earn but things like holidays in another country, a new car, concert tickets, a new graphics card, a new console are nothing to think about even a warm winter jacket is something we need to diuscuss and research if we find something cheaper than 200€ to buy. And now everything should get more expensive and even worse.
Actually everything is getting that expensive that i am really afraid of getting homeless anytime. When i read things like the prices for energy should rise in 2023, in germany and i say in germany cause i think no other country would afford this or would let this happen. These articles you can read talk about a price raise of over 1300% since 2019 till 2023. Such things are things i research and the energy price has already been 465€ in August and lowered in September to 350€ so a price differnce to 500€ wouldn´t be that much to the actual situation at the spot market but 1300% more i don´t think that thiss will happen. But when you read such things it´s actually hard to think about.
Also you may have heared that the Wasn better known as Oktoberfest are over these days. It´s finishes an in the opinnion of the politicians there is nothing bad happend about corona virus. We are all trying to keep heating costs as low as possible so it´s not warm and nice in the flats, it´s more cold and you can faster get ill and the corona numbers are nothing you should think about, the munich politicians tell us.
Yeay in china they had closed the borders completely with this numbers and throw every stranger out of their land but in germany it´s nothing you should think about. I hate these people telling “their opinnions” and i always think if you are so dumb and useless go to north korea or russia and tell your opinnion there!
Sorry but we, the normal people don´t know how to pay everything in the future, how to pay electricity costs (we already pay about 200€ a month) when they rise again and the german politicians are blocking e-fuels, green diesel and such things, cause we promote electric cars. Already now, when we start to bring the electric mobility to live in germany you need to install a wallbox that could be remotely controlled by your electricity provider so they could slow down your charging extremely that everybody is able to charge the car. German politicians are happy that this year there are 1 Million e-cars on german streets, and i… i don´t think that i will ever be able to afford such a car, cause they are way to expensive and i had no chance charging it, even if i would have the chance, i work in full shift, when the electricity provider decides to lower my charging speed cause too much people are charging their cars, and they guarantee that my car will be fully charged at 6 o clock it wouldn´t help, my early shift starts at 5 o clock so i need to have a fully charged car at 3:45 in the morning, that wouldn´t happen if its remote controlled.
But i loose the point… again…
When i start to make my weekly shopping i normally was happy when we payed roundabout 100-120€ a week for food, drinking and any other things you want to buy but actually the month starts and we have nearly instantly no money left. The prices here in germany are rising in a way that is not even considered to be possible. Let me give you an example. I have a favourite saussage. They are sold in a can, 5 pieces in a box, roundabout 480gramms. The price for this can was 2,29-2,59€ a year ago, they now cost 4,99€ or 4,29€ when they are at discount, thats nearly the double. Other products like the favourite chips of my wife also raised the prices from 1,59€ to 2,49€ and also there is now not 175 gramms in the Bag it´s only 150 gramms left, also the prices for all other food rised in this way and it´s getting harder and harder.
..and then we go back to my employer. I am employed in a time employment company since 9 years, for me and my co-workers there are other rules, like the time they need to fire us and our salary. Just imagine you work 18 month for a company and get a raise every 2 month, nice, after 15 month you have the same salary like freshly finished trainee. You get payed this money for a maximum of 3 month, than you need to leave the customer for 3 month. In this 3 month you get the base salary, about 8 to 9€ less an hour and you also doesn´t get payed for 170 hours a month like you work, you get only payed for 157,5 hours a month, additionally you loose all your salary supplements like the dirt payment, the shift payment, the payments for night shift or for working at sundays, therefore you loose roundabout 65% of your salary to start again after these 3 month with the lowest base payment in the same job, you earned about 1500€ more a month just 3 month before. And now tell me that i am doing wrong when i am unsure how long i can take such things, how long i can stand such things with those raising prices. Yes i can restrict my life as good as possible but when there is nothing left you can be happy about, nothing left thats worth living for, even when your wife treats you like shit, than i am really a bit anxious about the future.
I don´t want to live any longer… in germany… but i have no money to get live anywhere else, where living maybe more fun or more promising. It´s just a hard time that i hope i can come trough in anyway… but it´s already getting harder and harder… and i am not a lazy, i am working in several jobs and even if i am ill, like actually, and i am not able to work in my main job, i am working in my other jobs… ok writing is not that hard and doesn´t affect my healing process but it´s work too…
