Hey,
yes there was a long time without any posts from my side. This is not because i didn´t want to talk to you, i didn´t want to write but there was nothig to write about, just the same things again and again. It´s been a long time really, but today marks maybe a new beginning for this page. Maybe cause i am really afreiad that i will fall into a depression or such a thing, maybe cause i get annoyed more and more by the life.
Actually you may remember that i told you i made a website for this woman that calles herself my wife… ok she is legally, but most of the time i think i am just the sugardaddy. It feels like this. I made this cooking Website for my wife and just a couple of minutes ago i had one of those situations that you do not want to have as a “good guy” and god knows i am a good guy. I never hit a woman, i never cheated on the girls in my life but my wife makes it harder and harder to resist.
I just spend money on a freelancer to promote her website cause we wanted to start again making some fancy new recipes for the next year. I bought new kitchen tools for her like a Kenwood kitchen machine for just about 1400€ or new cooking pots for about 600€…
…and today i asked her again if she wants to start over again, making new ideas for the website. The commentary was worth gold… i asked her and directly she gets angry as fuck. She blamed me that she we will need to renovate the complete kitchen before she could do this, she would need a complete new one. When i told her that noone will see the kitchen she blamed me she wouldn´t cook so much different things that it would make no sense to write down any recipes.
You can imagine that i am really angry cause i spend money on those things to give her the chance to participate in any way for our life even if it´s just to make one recipe in the week to keep a website going that may earn at least some amazon credits or a bit out of advertising anytime. Thats not much, maybe two to three hours a week but that seems already to be too much for her.
Maybe i am wrong and literally you do not beat woman but when you make a friendly suggestion and i didn´t used my voice in any unproper way, i even thought about the words to not offend her or such a thing but she shows me this disrespect, this completely anger cause i dare to propose she could anything but watching TV, shitting, eating chips and going out with the dogs that the wish to really beat the shit out of her is growing.
I shouldn´t talk about this, really, cause it also ruines my chances to ever get another woman anytime but i am nearly a wreckage. I am really anxious i can tell you. I am fearing that i will get down to a depression, that i will loose control over my life and control over everything and when this moment comes, there will be nobody helping me and thats a real problem. Maybe thats the only reason why i stay with a woman that tells me she would love me but gives me the feeling that she only loves the effort i am giving. She doesn´t need to work, i earn enough money for both of us but it would be much easier if she would earn at least 500-1000€ a month.
I am driving a 21 years old mercedes class A that is not lockable, that gets wet when it rains and that just got a new license to drive for 2 years barely with spending over 1000€ to get this thing repaired. But it was “only” about 1000€ cause i made a couple of repairs on my own. And we have literally no money here if anything happens. Actually i would need to repair and use my bike if the car would break cause all the money we had for the bad times was spend on kitchen equipment, clothes for here and a couple of sweets orders. She literally killed all our savings, again, also to finance gifts for her sister that got mother these days.
The Next thing that makes me really depressive and angry at once is not my personal life, my personal situation but germany at all. Yeah you know i am from germany, i wish i would be an american but i really love japan or china. I am a globetrotter in my mind when you want to take it serious, i really like asian woman i like japanese/chinese culture and nature, architecture and the respect they pay to people. I really want to live in the usa, yes you also have a lot of dumb people out there, they maybe more idiotic than in europe, way more, but in the usa you have more rights to defend yourself you have more possibilities but maybe this is also from the view of a john doe from europe, this average guy that only knows your country form tv, books and such things.
But back to the point, europe and escpecially germany is making me really mad. That politicians in germany that think we need leprechauns for making lithium batteries… It´s calles “Kobalt” you fucking idiots noch “Kobold”. We have politicians, that are really ruling germany, that think that there are countries 100.000 kilometers away… thats two and a half time around the earth. We have a germany Bearbock that tells everybody that “…in the last year or past 560 days…”, even the number of days in a year is not known by germany politics and such idiots rule our country. Idiots that want german to install electric heaters in there home, install solar panels on their roof but if you do so and also be brave and buy an electric car you pay taxes on the power from your solar panels that delivers power to your car! You pay Taxes for the power you produce with your own powerplant that you use to power your own car that the government want you to buy and it comes better… if you want to charge your car with electricity you will need a wallbox… good so far… but you are only allowed to use a wallbox provided from your local power supplier, that will be able to reduce the power charged into your car if there are too much cars charging at the same time. So if you have a power deposit in your house like a hughe solar battery the power supplier, you are not having any contract with, is able to take your power reserve to sell it to other people if they need it and you also pay taxes for the power. So you pay tenthousands of Euros for a solar roof, a really hughe powerbank, an electric car and the supplier you pay taxes on the light of the sun. And even if it´s just like a robbery to collect taxes for sunlight you will also have to give away your power production for free so that your local power supplier sells your power, that you payed taxes on, and you build the powerplant for, to other people. Ever imagine that without power and solar…. just imagine we would talk about Air that we could breathe…
Then it´s the immigrants and jobless in germany. Please recognise that i am not that kind of guy that is a Nazi or such a thing but there are reasons why all those immigrants come to germany and not to other nations. When you are from Syria, Africa, Ukraine or any other country that may threathen you in anyway, even as gay muslim it just doesn´t matter where you come from, you get a house or a flat, you get money, a car, a phone and much more. Most of this people live better than the average german. Of course people are angry about this but for politics it´s only Nazis. The word Nazi has a hughe power in europe. If you are called a nazi that ends every conversation, doesn´t matter if you are right or not.
It´s really a bit funny, sorry on all people that feels offended now, but it´s really funny for people like me. It doesn´t matter if you are a racist or not, if someone calls you a nazi you are wrong in europe. There is no discussion, there is no explaining, there is no right on your side, youre a nazi!
thats important to know when i write the next sentence cause i am no nazi! I am just not interested what anyone believes in, who anyone loves or fucks. I am not interested if you obey Jesus, Ganesha, Allah, Cthulluh or the great Spagetti Monster, thats part of my 100% non tolerance politics. Just let me explain, to be tolerant means to have a tolerance. This means that there is something thats not OK but it´s in the Tolerance. Like the oil usage of your car. It´s not ok if it comsumes oil but when it´s getting older theres a tolerance of maybe 1 liter on 1000 kilometers thats not really a problem, more will indicate a major issue. Thats the same with people, i have no tolerance for gay, no tolerance for muslims, no tolerance for bisexual and no tolerance for gender fluid or any other people! Thats not cause i didn´t respect them but it´s not my personal thing, it´s not my problem if the person you kiss is named dave or davine or even if it´s making meow or barks, it´s your thing not mine. It´s not intersting if you believe in Jesus, Allah or Ganesha, the Great Spagetti Monster or any Alien Race. It´s just your thing and not mine! Thats important to realize and i think i need to say this again and again cause people do not realize how i think, i know i am special in my head but it´s important to know… sorry
There´s just a discussion in germany i am really angry about. There´s people that tells us that unemployeed get too much money. It´s fine that there is a prptection policy in germany that gives you money when you loose your job but this money is not enough. the hughe problem is that this money is not bound to the inflation. Means there was an ammount set on 2003 after this year the ammount of money you got, since 2005, when you loose your job for too long was raised by about a couple of euro every year. The reality shows that the difference between the things you could buy for the money in 2003 till now is about 50-70% means you get way less for the money.
In my mind, if you support people without a job you will need to hold the ammount on the level you calculated with. If you calculate 1€ for a bread and you say this people should be able to buy 2 bready a week you cant raise the 1€ top 1,50€ if the bread costs 4€. Thats what i mean. The prices are raising in a way thats not normal but the “Hartz 4” or “Bürgergeld” like it´s called since this year is not raising in this way. But whats the point? I am employeed and i earn well, i can not complain…
The point is that there are peopel moaning about the ammount unemployeed gets. They are not seeing that unemployeed are not living well, i was unemployeed for a couple of years and i suffered from this a couple of years. But moaning about hte too high money for unemployeed is the wrong way. It´s not the help of Hartz IV whats the problem it´s the money that is payed to workers, the wages that are the problem.
It´s just a couple of weeks old that i got an overview from retirement services, of what i earned in my life. I realized that i now earn roundabout the same ammount in Euro than i earned in our old currency the “Deutsche Mark” or DM (means 100 % more). That sound good, but the time i earned about 3000-4000 deutsche Mark i payed 2000 “Mark” for the newest and best television now i pay about 4000€ for the newest and best television. I bought cars for about 14.000 “Mark” that were completely new and fully equipted. the same car now costs roundabout 30.000 Euro (opel corsa) thats roundabout 4 times the price. My most Famous drink when i was young, it was an alcopop like we called it in germany (i know europeans have fun inventing english words that nowhere else exists cause it sounds cooler) Bacardi Rigo costs calculated in Euro €1,29,- now a similar drink costs € 3,60,- and it´s only 250mL instzead of 330mL, this is 3.7 times the price than this times. We could continue this endlessly you now earn 100% more money than 25 years ago but the prices raised about 300-1000%. I just want to say that i bought noodels for 19 “Pfennige” that means about 9 Euro Cent per 500 gramm, now the same Noodles costs 0,79-1,29 Euro thats crazy.
But there are really people complaining about unemployeed as a new picture of enemy getting money for no work. It really makes me angry to hack down on these unemployeed the government wants to save cause they get 12% more money, instead of talking about wages that doesn´t raise in the way they needed! We do more work for less money every year. I am actually earning the same salary class like when i left my training those times. OK i made mistakes and it costs me a lot of effort to get back to this state but i proudly managed to get my life back, it´s just 25 years i lost, nothing for a gamer… LOL but i am not even able to afford anything special with my salary. Whe in left my training 25 years ago i flew to other countries, bought a new car on credit, bought the newest high tech equipment with ease. Now i am happy if i have suasage left at the end of month and are able to have enough gas in my car to get to work without needing my bike. I am happy with discounter beer while writing this post instead of sitting in the tavern with my friends cause i wouldn´t be able to afford this and then we should discuss about the raise of help for unemployeed.
I think that german politics are just seeking a vent for agression for the people. They are leading the anger to poor people cuase they don´t die or kill themself only to hide the real problems. Problems like we turned off all nuclear power plants and raised energy prices to a max an now we are complaining that french nuclear plants are not delivering enough power for us to buy. I could continue these shit for the whole night but i get a bit tired…
writing this article i drank about 2 liters of beer and now i just want to smooth end of the day. It´s roundabout midnight and it feels good to share these thoughts with you. My Anger is gone cause i may be one of the only guys that gets calm when drinking, forgetting it´s agression. Actually i just want to have some fun… maybe a couple of episodes of One Piece or a bit more time in Genshin IMpact to play… im getting jsut tired… tired of this day, tired of this live… tired of my country and tired of my marriage… if there were just an exit, an opportunity or a chance… but i think i have lost every chance in my life forever… i want to cry but my body wouldn´t allow this i know so i don´t try… just keep putting alcohol in my head makes me feel a bit better… thats not good but i know and thats the reason i do not do this regularly but today i know i will sleep well…
Farewell dear readers and sorry if my english is not the best, it´s not my mothers tounge…
hope you could keep the hope for me…
